i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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