Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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