Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
