I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
