dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
