Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
