Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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