Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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