i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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