i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
