I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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