Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
