well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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