Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
