I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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