I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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