The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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