shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
