Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
