Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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