cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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