i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
