she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
