OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
