I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
