good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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