no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
