I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
