Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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