I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
