I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
