why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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