my phone needs a breathalizer
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
