you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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