So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
