After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
