I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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