Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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