how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
