yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
