Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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