Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
