Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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