the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
