she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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