do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
