do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
