ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
