Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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