So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
