In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
