Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
