I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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