just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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