i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
