I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
