I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
