it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
