UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
