You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
