"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
