My Higher Power is John Stamos
Fuck appropriateness.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
