i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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