did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I love you. Go after that dick
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
