the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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