Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
