WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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