Umm I'm too high to move.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
