all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
