the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So here I am, sexting at work.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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