He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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