so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
