I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
