I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
