someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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