my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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