I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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