at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
