Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
