3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I need moral support for this bender
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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