The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
