it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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