ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
