I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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