Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
